Back at the palace the Wicked Queen was ecstatically burning Snow White’s possessions. She summoned the town crier and whilst waiting for him to arrive tried to force a tear or two. Eventually she plucked some nose hairs which made her eyes water as well as causing some swears to be ejaculated.

‘Your Majesty?’ said the town crier coyly as slipped through the Royal Throne Room doors. He bowed and grovelled at the Wicked Queen’s feet.

‘Town crier, I have some… devastating news. Go forth into the kingdom and make the terrible announcement of Snow White’s death.’

‘Oh, Your Majesty! What happened?’

‘It is as yet unclear. Most likely a bear from the woods. The Royal Huntsman fought bravely to save her, but alas, all he could salvage was her heart. I know the peasants will find this news difficult to bear, so I suggest that in order to deal with their grief, they continue with their lives as normal. No time off work, no public mourning, no holiday. They should distract themselves with routine.’

‘But how, Your Majesty? The kingdom loves the princess!’

‘Tough! She is dead! They must love me instead!’

‘Of course, Your Majesty. They love you too, I’m sure. It’s just-‘

‘Go! Spread the word. And I shall not hear of anyone mourning, is that clear?’

‘Of course, Your Majesty,’ and the town crier grovelled backwards out of the Royal Throne Room.

The Wicked Queen continued with her merry burning frenzy, and moved onto the possessions of her late husband and Snow White’s mother. ‘Must get rid of all their shite too,’ she said gleefully. In the late Queen’s old dressing room gowns and jewels gathered dust, along with her many other possessions that had been stored in there since the King’s remarriage. At the back of the room, just as every Queen needs, was a full length mirror, ornately framed by thick ribbons of gold twisting around one another. The Wicked Queen tilted it towards her. ‘Perhaps this can stay,’ she said to herself, ‘this is fancy enough for the most beautiful woman in the kingdom to admire herself. Far too fancy for that hag he married first.’ For a moment the Wicked Queen thought she saw an the mirror glow eerily, and then she realised that that was a ridiculous thing to think, and gazed at herself adoringly. She summoned the Royal Furniture Mover to relocate the mirror to the Wicked Queen’s plush dressing room.

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